Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in 2ndhandwonder's LiveJournal:

Friday, January 4th, 2008
4:48 pm	the most boring crisis ever (4:27:57 PM) axfelix: how you doin (4:28:03 PM) grassmoder27: awful (4:28:05 PM) grassmoder27: you (4:28:18 PM) axfelix: hard to say (4:28:51 PM) grassmoder27: that sounds half full (4:29:35 PM) axfelix: hot on the heels of returning from louisville, i've A) realized i may actually be addicted to marajuana (oh well), B) emailed my advisor asking if she can't, via some elaborate academic arrangement, find someplace for me to live and work this summer that's not here, and C) unbelievably, resolved to head to mom's this weekend for some R&R (4:30:29 PM) grassmoder27: isn't part of the whole legalizing spiel supposed to be that it's non-addictive (4:30:42 PM) axfelix: yeah really (4:31:06 PM) axfelix: i think i told you (4:31:22 PM) axfelix: spent tuesday night sleeping in my car (alongside one guardian FINAL) in a gas station parking lot in west virginia (4:31:27 PM) grassmoder27: did not (4:31:31 PM) axfelix: after the snow got so bad on the drive back that we just could not continue (4:32:09 PM) axfelix: resolved to get as high as possible to fall asleep as quickly and as ignorant of freezing temperatures as i could and this resulted in me getting 'bad' high for the first time ever (4:32:34 PM) axfelix: got home wednesday night around 7 (because i had to work yesterday, remember) suddenly feeling very not good (4:33:05 PM) axfelix: i'm 100% fine now, incidentally, so i can hardly claim a blemish on my being-underweight-and-stoned-makes-you-super-healthy record (4:33:09 PM) axfelix: but wednesday night (4:33:30 PM) axfelix: stumbled in wanting my own bed more than i realized (of course), tripped over the furniture they'd rearranged in my absence which given the circumstances really really did not help (4:33:39 PM) axfelix: felt like i was hallucinating minus the hallucinations, fell asleep sober (4:33:48 PM) grassmoder27: bad high = paranoid of trucker rape? or is that just me (4:34:00 PM) axfelix: got up yesterday, went to work, came home, made dinner, sat.. did not feel right (4:34:06 PM) axfelix: did not have the logical thought to get high (4:34:07 PM) grassmoder27: oh (4:34:09 PM) axfelix: did not feel right. (4:34:26 PM) axfelix: after an hour or two of this said fuck it, got high anyway, and felt leagues better (4:34:42 PM) axfelix: bad high = brain would not stop (4:34:45 PM) grassmoder27: well that's why (4:34:51 PM) axfelix: i just kept processing nonsense it felt like (4:35:04 PM) grassmoder27: that's...how i feel constantly (4:35:13 PM) axfelix: you should get high more often. (4:35:34 PM) grassmoder27: i try not to make vomiting happen but let it occur naturally like a rainbow (4:35:40 PM) axfelix: in other news (4:35:54 PM) axfelix: i'm really starting to wonder if i'm not venturing into uncharted territory in terms of just plain not being interested in anything (4:36:33 PM) axfelix: and mind that i still fiercely refuse to recognize what would probably be called OCD / clinical depression as anything but 'personality' (4:36:50 PM) grassmoder27: 8-) (4:37:31 PM) grassmoder27: i'm so boring. i'm the 'everybody loves raymond' of ruining one's life (4:38:08 PM) grassmoder27: well (4:38:58 PM) grassmoder27: one's sensibilities naturally change over time and perhaps you may now find that what didn't engage before now does and/or vice versa (4:39:23 PM) axfelix: no, right, i know (4:39:29 PM) axfelix: that's not really foremost on the list of worries (4:39:49 PM) axfelix: it's just.. beginning to cloud my thoughts when i strive for comparison here there or anywhere like i've been doing for my entire life (4:40:38 PM) grassmoder27: you're in a different place than you've ever been tho (4:40:56 PM) axfelix: if i had to speak more articulately on the matter (4:41:16 PM) axfelix: it worries me that murakami himself may not be that closely an approximation of a murakami protagonist (4:41:53 PM) axfelix: i can sit around all day reading postmodern novels and drinking decaf, and even though they're all i can tolerate anymore it doesn't mean they do as much for me as they used to (4:42:08 PM) axfelix: and i can give a damn or i can not (4:42:24 PM) axfelix: except that my barometer for that (4:42:35 PM) axfelix: has never been more out of whack than it is today, and every following today (4:43:05 PM) axfelix: i find myself wanting to travel where i used to want to die (4:43:25 PM) axfelix: and that.. sort of unnerves me? (4:43:35 PM) grassmoder27: scarier (4:44:02 PM) axfelix: i don't have a TV anymore (4:44:09 PM) axfelix: i don't really have my interests anymore, to a degree (4:44:28 PM) axfelix: and replacing them with nothing is.. daunting (4:44:38 PM) axfelix: i can do it, i've been doing it (4:45:09 PM) axfelix: and two weeks from now i won't be alone in the woods anymore (even though, for every time i say that, i have to clarify that i'm technically not) so i don't think it'll be a problem so i'm not worried (4:45:25 PM) axfelix: but.. at this point, what's urgent? (4:45:26 PM) axfelix: really (4:46:15 PM) axfelix: this is the most boring crisis ever (Comment on this)
Friday, February 23rd, 2007
2:56 pm	elegy of afterbirth last blog i had was because i was lonely it solved that problem you never know! been away from home for maybe a month and a half; in that time, mom finally went and got properly divorced; the house is hers now, etc. let us rejoice from now until the end of time. the computer is in a chair. there is another chair opposite it, from which you are presumably meant to sit and talk with the computer as at a formal tea party. upon closer inspection, cables are all (somehow) hooked in properly, save for the router not being plugged in, which, presumably, was the impetus behind the voice mail i received earlier in the week that "the internet [wasn't] working." she bought new couches. she also tore up all of the carpet in the house revealing perfectly sterile hardwood floors which likely haven't seen the light of day for over thirty years, but, more to the point, she bought new couches. these couches are about four feet high, have "arms" that extend maybe six inches above where you might be sitting, and in lieu of a back to recline into, have a series of comically enlarged pillows. they are also about three feet deep. they are brown, they are uncomfortable, they are grossly too large not only for the room but for my mother as well which is curious as they can't possibly be there for anyone else's sake-- oh, wait. i take that back. our living room has been remodeled so as to host the sort of dinner party that nobody ever wants to go to. god fucking dammit mom i've been reading anna fucking karenina for the past week and a half you don't want to do this to me it's sad. sad even for reasons beyond the fact that i can't bear to stand (there is nowhere to sit) in seventy percent of the rooms in the house in which i grew up because they've all been incomprehensibly assembled in this horrible abortion of a style of everything my mom ever wanted to be for her entire life and somehow never learned how to rationalize. next to the couches there is a large decorative vase with the hundred dollar pier one price tag still on it; we haven't had a working sewing machine since she threw ours out during the last mid-life crisis four years ago. this is not regression. to call it that would be to give it too much dignity. this is a sad, sad, sad case of a person never ever learning how to live. upon closer inspection the first floor contains three such vases. (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 23rd, 2006
10:16 pm	classic cinema today i watched the "godfather," and "the godfather part ii." i was kind of bored throughout. this is an enormous weight off my chest; i no longer feel a responsibility to go back and dig through the archives of what people on the internet have long considered "the greatest films ever made" or what have you. although i still wish i hadn't fallen asleep during "network" that one time i rented it. i might have to go back and give it another go, as that one always seemed like something i'd go for. match point is out on dvd this week. i wasn't, and still am not too eager to see it. the prospect of woody as a talented director never appealed to me nearly as much as woody cast as himself and self-consciously failing to put himself on the same level as anybody else did. still, under normal circumstances i'd just go ahead and sign up for a month of netflix as soon i started considering going to blockbuster for anything. with the income drawing to a close, though, i might not. i'll see it free eventually. speaking of which, melinda and melinda is getting played pretty often on showtime right now. will ferrell does a pretty decent woody impression, but the dialogue is a real problem. seventy-year-old-woody would probably enjoy AIM quite a bit if he knew how to work a computer. i don't really go to the theater at all anymore. i wonder if that's more me, or them. sometimes i wonder the same thing about jrpgs but i am almost positive that, in that situation, it's me. although i still maintain that i would have loved dragon quest viii on any portable platform. finished psychonauts last night. the hey arnold character development is there in really joyous amounts, if anybody's interested in it. other than that, it's an above-average platformer. lots of not quite flat surfaces that i wasn't positive i should be able to stand on but otherwise how the hell was i going to get up there and that sort of thing. if i hadn't been playing it on a laptop.. etc. completely wasted today on oblivion. that game probably has the single highest content to effort ratio of all time, to the point where it's almost not a downside. if i hadn't been playing it on a laptop, allowing me to watch the godfather movies while playing it (i am artless), should probably pick up subsistence and hunters again. i have trouble playing online games casually inasmuch as i can never really nail down in my head what "casually" is. that, uh, shouldn't surprise me, probably. i haven't heard any new music in forever. i keep meaning to dig up malkmus' second solo album, as i've been enjoying the first all of a sudden, but, eh, no immediate need. there is a commercial about erectile dysfunction on. i am typing this only because i'd feel embarrassed ending with a paragraph about malkmus. the commercial playing immediately after the penis one is trying to sell me mormon bibles. and people wonder why i have trouble associating with any art form that doesn't, first and foremost, poke fun at itself. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, October 24th, 2005
11:03 am	1. human beings invented god for all the times they chose to do the right thing in spite of themselves, they wanted to believe somebody saw and appreciated it; for all the times they felt nobody understood them, they hoped somebody existed who was superior to all these other, ignorant somebodys, who could really get a handle on where they were coming from. 2. woody allen makes movies about insignificant, carping issues because he knows there is no god and he assumes, correctly, that there's got to be somebody else out there, human maybe, who understands these things and moreover actually wants to hear and see them. 3. today, after i derobe and enter the shower, only to find that there is no soap left, i crouch in front of the bathroom cabinet, naked, looking to find more soap. it is in these moments of naked crouching that i am desperately glad to be alone in the universe. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, August 20th, 2005
6:23 pm	Ethoscapade (3:44:39 PM): kim possible totally hooked up with ron stoppable in the 90-minute series finale Ethoscapade (3:44:43 PM): and this gives me a certain intangible pleasure godmoder 27 (3:45:15 PM): aw that makes me wish i'd ever watched that show, isnt it one of those few disney toons that are good that slip through the cracks Ethoscapade (3:45:29 PM): yeah Ethoscapade (3:46:46 PM): also i tend to delight way too much in the main characters of any given children's book/TV series/movie/whatever realizing they've fought enough evil/crime/poor writing by the end of the show and having some ludicrous hook-up godmoder 27 (3:47:31 PM): aw godmoder 27 (3:47:48 PM): it's good from a dramatical standpoint godmoder 27 (3:48:09 PM): except in rebel assault 1 i had no idea what that was about Ethoscapade (3:48:23 PM): even if the VA of the main character is leaving the show because her pop career is taking off and they play one of her songs during said finale Ethoscapade (6:19:50 PM): it ought to be noted, however, that the one shortcoming of this whole "buying into hideously-drawn-out-and-yet-not-at-all teenage romance writen for children" scenario Ethoscapade (6:20:50 PM): is that i'm left, in my most private moments, wanting to fuck the shit out of ginny weasley Ethoscapade (6:21:03 PM): et al Ethoscapade (6:22:17 PM): book, not movie, but still (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 17th, 2005
9:15 pm	i think i have all kinds of the flu. if not, i'm pretty disappointed with myself, because, well, doing nothing all the time can be hard on a man. lately i have been struck by the sheer number of dorks there are in my school. i never really imagined myself as the guy who's trying to get those other kids to shut the fuck up about how laggy xbox live was last night or who they killed in world of warcraft. this sega hoodie does not mean i am a kindred spirit; it means you should go play some super monkey ball already. because, you know, i play gradius. i'm cultured, you dicks. of course if i still had a job i'd be on that internet shit like (insert clever and possibly racist simile here). i'm only the opinionated, old-fashioned hobbyist because it's cost-effective. i hate for 2/3 of my posts to be about shaun of the dead, but really, the movie is just so good. it's the first thing i've loved in a long time that's not a) about good vs. evil, b) so self-consciously arty that i hate myself for liking it, or c) really good-looking. it's fantastic on a number of levels that it will never, ever, ever get credit for. it's self-consciously suave, about zombies, and taratino never got within a hundred yards of it. s'up, niggaaaaaas. i don't even know anymore, man. whenever i leave myself alone for too long (which is often, because i'm sick, i hope) i have this nasty tendency to carefully eliminate any reason for living out the rest of my life through some very clever logical reasoning. it just seems sort of silly, is all. good with the bad and all of that, sure. but i'll always look up higher to the miserable bastard than to the dude who's happy and in love and luck and lollipops. Current Music: hell yes is really really great (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, January 28th, 2005
4:02 pm	rez get i just stepped off the bus to find what looked to be a CD on the pavement, under a layer of mud. it appeared to have been run over several times. i picked it up to make sure it wasn't mine. it wasn't. it was, however, woody allen's "everything you ever wanted to know about sex but were afraid to ask." (4 Comments |Comment on this)